1. Ten Downing Street acquires a cat to combat the residence’s rodent problem. No wonder Margaret Thatcher always looked so irritated.
2. Arizona sues the federal government for allegedly failing to secure the border. It also complains about cracks in the bathroom tile and that California plays loud music all hours of the night.
3. Applications by Chinese students to United States colleges are up 30 percent. China: dominating the world economy and our Frisbee golf tournaments by 2030.
4. Mitt Romney rewrites his own book, making it more Tea Party friendly. Now with 25 percent more free enterprise!
5. The Grammys: Bob Dylan has turned into Burgess Meredith as the Penguin.
6. Wisdom is knowing what to overlook: Warren Buffett dumps his stake in Bank of America, Comcast and Nike; Tim Gunn bars Snooki and the “Teen Mom” star Amber Portwood from “Project Runway.”
7. What happens to wayward Scientologists who are sent to “punitive re-education camps”? They’re forced to watch “Cocktail” and “Staying Alive.”
8. There’s no Kodachrome in Nirvana: a new J. D. Salinger biography says that the Buddhist principle of transcending the ego was the cause of Salinger’s mania for privacy.
9. I.B.M.’s Watson as “Jeopardy!” contestant. Who thought “Jeopardy!” could get any nerdier?
10. Colin Firth leaves his Bafta award at a bar after a night of heavy drinking. The king’s other problem.